Grace wins

Failure 

To try and try, yet come up short,
To hang my head while giving report.
Not able to make right,
turns brightest day into darkest night.
Amidst thoughts of strength I find I am weak,
brings gut-wrenching pain of which I cannot speak.

Failure has never been my plan,
I curse at times when I don't think I can.
My standard. My goal.

My hope is perfection.
Yet I am met with regret, rebuke, and rejection.

Failure is a mind companion I've learned to despise,
Its taunts and laughs are not welcome in my eyes.

In You I see love, understanding and more,
You think me a winner regardless of life's score.

When i'm blinded by failure and fear,
You give me sight, make Your path clear.

A loving like Yours in life is most glorious,
Although I'm imperfect, in You
Jesus Christ,
I'm victorious 

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New seasons bring changes. Changes bring schedule changes. When schedules change, routines are interrupted. When routines change failure sometimes happens. Failure brings disappointment in myself. I hold my standards high for myself; and when I don't meet those standards I feel like I've failed. I don't speak of a physical failure I am measured by on some daily to-do list at work. I speak of an internal battle I struggle with everyday on and off work. Everyday I lose the battle in my heart, and grace wins every time. 

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I love them, my coworkers, they support me in my weaknesses. They challenge me each shift to help me grow. My bosses are quick to give grace too, I mean, honestly, they are blessings each and everyday. They all forgive me when I am strong headed. They forgive me when I am angered. They forgive me when I fail to lead them. They forgive me when they have no reason to. This is when I see the Lord shine, because I see that grace really does win every time.

Something that has been on my heart  a lot lately is grace. I have had a prayer journal for quite some time. It is an easy way for me to feel near to my Lord. instead of a few minutes of said prayer in my head, I write it out in a journal, and that gives me time to think it, write it, read it over again. It leaves me spending close to an hour on that alone. The other day I was looking over the journal, and I saw a good ratio. Thankfulness, entries thanking my God for the many blessings He has placed in my life. Forgiveness, for the times I fall short of His glory. Asking, for anything really, but asking Him for something. But grace stood out to me. I hadn't been asking Him for His unending grace be poured out yet again upon me, but rather my grace upon others.

Who am I without His grace though? I can't even begin to pour out forgiveness, grace, and love, without Christs love and grace poured out first. Then it also dawned on me, "If I write this all the time it must mean I fall short giving grace, so I always pray about it.".... It made me realize maybe I needed to change my prayer.

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Man, these last few weeks have been tough at work. The Lord has called one of my coworkers to new places to serve Him. This is great! Right? Well in my flesh, no. Because this means changes. Changes means new schedules. New schedules means new routines. New routines for me, means failures bound to happen. I don't speak of some self made list of "To-do by end of work". I mean something is held hostage by the enemy, and that is my heart. I become angered and bitter for no reason. My heart is wrapped up everyday in what went wrong, and how I may or may not have failed.

All of my reactions are just that, reactions. No matter what happens that day, what any of my coworkers might have done wrong in any way ('Wrong' implies something done differently than that of a standard held by the boss man.) I get to react in some way. Sadly I tend to react in a bitter way. But you see no one knows this, because I choose to smile through the bitterness and sweep it away. But what matters to me is this, even if my coworkers never find out the situation in my heart, the Lord always knows, and that is where I feel I have failed.

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Grace is given;

Philippians 2:2 "Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be like minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 

 Galatians 6:10 "As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are in the household of faith."

The point here being that I (with Christs help) need to realize that although things may change, people come and go. That because of that my routine should NEVER be the same. To proceed everyday ready for the new. To not accept the failure in my heart when it happens, but accept the grace by others given so freely to me, and the outpouring of love given to me. All simply because they see and acknowledge that I am part of the ONE body, and ONE faith. There are not enough "Thank you"s in this world to express to each one of my family and friend member in this community how utterly baffled I am how many times they give me grace. 

John Piper wrote in his  article  'What is christian unity';
"Where the Spirit of God is, there must be love, and if I have once known and recognized any man to be my brother in Christ Jesus, the love of Christ constraineth me no more to think of him as a stranger, or foreigner, but as a fellow citizen of the saints..."

Ephesians 4:4-6 "There is ONE body, and ONE spirit, and even as ye are called in ONE hope of your calling; ONE Lord, ONE faith, ONE baptism, ONE God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you ALL."

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Oh Lord my God. What an amazing God you are. I thank You for placing such beautiful grace giving people in my life. Daily pouring out their hearts into my life. Lord I make it my prayer now, not that I could say "Give me grace to give them", but rather "Help me receive the grace they freely give me" Help me receive their love each and everyday. Help my mindset at work change and be willing to accept the new. Thank you Lord. It is in Jesus precious name that I pray, Amen. 
-Danielle